Doubt defined as a feeling of uncertainty or lack of conviction!
Doubt is a horrible nasty thing that creeps in when you are often at your lowest. It can create havoc with carefully made plans, trying something new or stepping out of your comfort zone. All it takes is one word from someone or the sudden thought that this dress is a bit too tight to send you diving back into your wardrobe to get out the jeans and baggy shirt. Doubt creates disbelief in your own hard-fought for abilities, so much so that it can cripple your ambitions and make you crawl back to your comfort zone.
I gave into doubt the other night, I stupidly listened to someone whose opinion I trusted and what started off as an innocent comment blew up into a full-blown why the hell am I trying to do this gym thing as I am a “big girl who will never be that elegant”. A comment that was made as a joke but unfortunately hit me right where it hurts, my self-esteem. It caused it to not so much as go downhill, more like it got on a skate board and rocketed full pelt down the steepest slope there is. I ended up crawling home, snivelling like a baby and diving under the duvet refusing to come out till they lipo on the NHS.
So what tempted me back out of the snuggly duvet cave? Well the pennies had to be earned so I had no choice, but the one thing that worried me was heading back to the Gym. Yes, idiotic, I know but when that little doubt worm creeps into your stupid psyche it sure makes a mess. All your successes fly out the window and in comes fear. But I have one thing on my side that I have not had in years, my belief in myself is much stronger than any doubting worm! A quick visit to the Gym this afternoon for a wee bit of cardio and some stretching with GymGuyMark soon got the brain back on track. However tonight the biggest fear ever was faced in the form of a Metafit Class (more on Metafit in a future Blog)
Metafit in brief, is 30 minutes of physical hell for a recovering Gymophobe! Oh yes, hell people. Everything from push ups to side lunges, jumps to sprinting, it works the old lungs, legs, arms and that muscle in my side that always go “what the f***” when I stretch it! I am nowhere near fit enough to attempt the full amount of reps but the beauty is you try! You try and you keep on trying! In other words, you believe that one day ten push ups will be a doddle; my thighs will support me when I lunge and, I will not want to kill GymGuyMark every time he says only a few seconds more!
The strange thing is tonight’s workout was called The Perfect Storm, kind of apt after the last two days. The wind that blew in doubt has gone and will not be back, the rain of sweat from the class helped to get rid of the crap and felt like a badge of achievement. The thunderous sound of my lungs working hard felt good much better than hiding under the duvet from the lightning.
So even though Metafit makes me feel like I am way back at the beginning of a new fitness regime, there is NO DOUBT that it will work. There is only belief that these wobbly legs, aching arms and cranky knees will cope with whatever torture GymGuyMark comes up with next week!
Onwards with pride in the pain and well done to Anne @heistjewellery and Iain @EnterpriseIain for not collapsing in a heap!