To pretend that the last few days/weeks have been easy would not be true. I have had to admit that I am physically and emotionally exhausted, had to give in and take advice from others and cancel various plans that I have been looking forward to all year. November and December have been tough. When you live on your own, you grow to depend on your own resilience even though you have family and friends around you. I am a stubborn sort, determined that I can ‘fix’ me and I very often feel that to allow any kind of vulnerability to show makes me seem weak. However, sometimes fate/karma/God takes a hand and gives you no choice, the lessons we learned in previous years count for nothing as yet again we do not listen to what the ‘professionals’, or even our own self is trying to say. A very difficult thing to do at this time of year, rest! There is so much to do, so much to buy, cook, drink, chop, wrap and forget, that when the Doc says you need to rest, you feel an ‘easier said than done’ coming on. But when fate/karma/God has you almost falling asleep at a bus stop or finding yourself nodding off in the queue at the deli, it is time to listen. Time to stop, refocus and ‘get well’!
As so often happens it is the silly things that make you wake up and smell the Arabica beans! The focus shifts from the completely useless/let everyone down/under the duvet are best feelings to thinking that perhaps I am doing the right thing. We stop focussing on the should/would/could have and start looking at right what is going on right now. We start living in the present.
There it is that one wee word that got me thinking, present! This time of year if full of that word, whether it is giving, receiving, forgetting or breaking we are surrounded by them. But let us just for one moment take that word and swap it for another meaning.
The gift of now, the gift of presence! The gift of being alive, living for and enjoying, the moment.
When you are not at your best, often looking forward can make you worse; the sense of disappointment at not achieving your goals can be devastating but why not refocus and look to the here and now. Look to what you can, and are achieving every day, whether it is cooking a Christmas dinner, going for a long power walk, managing a full night’s sleep. Give yourself the gift of a pat on the back, stick a bright shiny ribbon on it and say there you go, from me to me! Today you achieved one thing, today you had presence and you lived it. Tomorrow is another day with another present.