Show me the way to go home ….

I’m tired and I want to go to bed
I had a little drink about an hour ago
and it’s gone straight to my head …

I wish! No, I am afraid the reason I appeared to be staggering down Hyndland Road on my home from The Western Health and Racquets Club, was that I had just done a purely Cardio session at the Gym. Having sat at a desk for most of the day, I felt I needed to stretch the legs and get the old lungs working so GymGuyMark decided tonight was Cardio Night and it went something like this …

  • Nearly ten minutes on the treadmill, fast pace to get the legs going
  • GymGuyMark appears with pint glass in hand, assuring me it was just juice. Aye right!
  • Next stretches and onto the bike with me doing the very attractive sweat dripping from forehead look. Stunning!
  • Discussion about whether the graphics on the bike screen were more Madonna than Dolly Parton.
  • Not too bad a cycle, legs starting to wobble towards then end.
  • Discussion with fellow Gym lady on the merits of Euan McGregor’s fly casting in Salmon Fishing in Yemen, actually it was more on the merits of Euan McGregor.
  • Onto the cross trainer, no hands allowed. Discussion on GymGuyMark’s collection of motorbikes and all this while I am crosstraining my legs off. I need new lungs.
  • Next row row row your boat time, me doing all the work, GymGuyMark ‘coaching’ from the sidelines. Major sweat being worked up, stunningly attractive me, with water running down my forehead.
  • Thank god for the eyelash that got into my eye or I would have rowed half way across the Atlantic if I hadn’t stopped
  • Last, but certainly not least, upstairs to kill the tummy muscles. Slightly different tonight again, major going for the burn time. Must remember to pack fire extinguisher.

All done, I managed to get up off the floor but half way down the stairs to leave the Gym, I discovered my legs were made of blancmange. Oh boy, I bet I looked special! Honestly I could hardly put one leg in front of the other, they were knackered. I was so rockin’ the drunk walk that I bet anyone passing me must have thought more gin than gym tonight! So I decided rather than do the ‘I am not drunk, I can stagger in a straight line’ walk, to hell with it. I worked bloody hard tonight and my badge of honour is a pair of wobbly legs.

So all together now … 1 2 3

Where ever I may roam
On land or sea or foam
You will always hear me singing this song
Show me the way to go home

(To be sung with a pure Glesga accent)


PS No weigh in, I forgot

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